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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Jeezny's LiveJournal:
| Monday, July 7th, 2008 | |
| 12:15 pm | 4 sure I found this article on AOL and I love it: I am the best husband in the world. Will you ever be as great a husband as I am? Not likely. By now, I'm the gold standard. But you can do better, my brother. (And that's true for you unmarried guys, too: If you're with her, you can learn to be with her better.) I've condensed my wisdom into some guiding thoughts and tricks of the togetherness trade. Think of them as batting tips from Barry Bonds. Stash them in a part of your brain that guides your behavior, and two good things will happen: She'll get the partner she deserves, and you'll get the satisfaction and, oh yeah, the sex of which you dream. No. 1 - Kill never and always When you and Lucy argue, don't use either of these two words. First of all, they're not technically accurate. It's not true that she never wears the cheerleader skirt; you got some boolah-boolah on your birthday. But, more important, they're gas-on-the-fire words. Instead of these indicting adverbs, use ameliorative words and phrases, like sometimes or I feel or I wish. Darn right they're soft, but guess what? The best husbands actually are a skosh more sensitive to their wives' feelings than your average brute of a mate is. By the way, the words never and always are great when you're complimenting her, as in, "You never fail to amaze me" or "I always enjoy reaching under your blouse." No. 2 - Work the reunions You come through the door tired, maybe distracted about something at work. You riffle through the mail, ask her a routine how-was-your-day question, and give her a pro forma kiss. But let's face it, you don't really focus on her, do you? She gets only a sliver of your attention. Not good enough. Don't panic. I'm not about to suggest in-the-moment mindfulness. Men can't be "in" every moment. The secret is to "husband" your limited supply of attention, save it for deployment at pivotal times. Think like John McEnroe, who would occasionally tank a forsaken fourth set, saving his strength for the pivotal fifth. Your key moments are the reunions. Take a few seconds and resolve to be fully tuned-in during each come-together moment. You can do it. Trust me, if I can, you can. No. 3 - Laugh at her Among the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other's attempts at humor. Lots of husbands, over time, forget this salute. What's that you say? Your wife isn't funny? So what? Neither is your dolt of a boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts. Why? Because you're trying to prove you respect him. Bingo! One of the biggest dangers mature marriages face is that Homer and Marge stop trying to demonstrate their respect for each other. Laughter is tonic for a woman's woes. Keep it on display. No. 4 Make the lion's roar Describing his important role during World War II, Winston Churchill once remarked that though he was no lion, it had fallen to him to make the lion's roar. Every now and then, husbands have to get fierce, defiant on behalf of their team. It won't happen often, but when you are in a confrontational situation, where reason and soft words have failed--a dispute with a teacher, a vendor, a bill collector, your neighbor, your mother--be prepared to bark in unambiguous defense of your family. Don't shrink from this obligation. Your wife's regard for you will shrink if you do. No. 5 - Be a little lamblike, too Yes, this contradicts the carnivorous idea above, but a husband is versatile: He can hammer the tee ball and feather the wedge. Softness and kindness and tenderness and all those traits that ain't much use in the marketplace are pure gold when it comes to being a husband. A good husband relies on his wife, values her counsel, trusts her to love him even though he's not in command. We're most human when we're wounded or lost. Fred Rogers once said that the best gift you can give somebody is to gracefully receive his or her help. That enriches everybody, giver and getter alike. Now and then, wrap your arms around your wife and whisper that you're a mite confused. Let her help you find your way. No. 6 - She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need sex to feel close This is the fundamental impenetrable puzzle of love. I have no idea what to do about this. But great husbands have this reality in mind at all times. No. 7 - Be touchy Apparently, we touch our wives too infrequently--except, of course, when we are taxiing for takeoff. It pains me to cede any ground, but we're guilty as charged. I know one husband who when he's feeling conjugal actually touches his wife as though he cherishes her character. But in fact, he's hoping to cherish her caboose in a kitchen quickie. She sees through me every time. Did I say me? I meant him. Nonsexual touch is a potent, underused endorsement of another soul. As you're heading out the door, give her upper arm a quick, affectionate double squeeze. As you're walking into a party or to your table, put a guiding hand, lightly but surely, on her lower back. Some nothing-special Tuesday night while she's standing at the sink doing the dishes, come up behind her and give her a kiss on the back of her head. It should be more than a peck--make it last 1.4 seconds. Throw in a little grunt of gratitude; its message is only this: "I'm a lucky man." Don't linger behind her. No arms. No hint of pelvic urge. She'll get cranky if she suspects you're cruising for dessert while she's scraping chicken gunk off a baking dish. Just drop the husband kiss on her noggin and get out of there. She'll feel valued. No. 8 - See the coffee cup The perfect husband understands that women often get confused by stuff that doesn't matter, as in the unwashed coffee cup that's been sitting in the sink for days. Few wives understand that it isn't that we see the coffee cup and elect not to rinse it, but rather that the neural link between our eyeballs and brains actually keeps us from seeing the cup. The gender biology of why we don't see the cup comes down to this: We have a lot of more important things on our minds. Will the Bills cover? Any chance of sex today? I think my biceps really are getting bigger. Our minds are cauldrons of profound thoughts. Any wonder we occasionally overlook some stray dishware? Charge: We don't help enough around the house. We're guilty. But here's the fix: Do more. Not a lot more--just a little more. One of the best things about women is that they really appreciate the smallest sign that you're trying. They're effort oriented. No. 9 - She ain't broke, so don't fix her People rarely change unless they feel accepted as they are. Once folks feel they're not required to change, growth happens. No. 10 - Play to win You know the athletic wisdom that warns against playing not to lose, that argues you have to be loose to let your skills flow and maximize your game? Same goes for marriage. Oh, sure, you can have a perfectly fine little partnership by taking the cautious route. He & She Inc. may even hum along nicely if you companionably sidestep the briar patches. But that's no way to be a great husband. She's entitled to more, the full monty, the whole experience of being affiliated with, no, make that loved by, a man. People often settle for accommodating coupledom because they're afraid some explosive issues will blow up the marriage. They fear ending their days alone, living under the bridge behind the high school. Set yourself free to play bravely by taking the big risk, divorce, off the table. Decide that you meant what you said at the wedding, that this woman, come what may, is your partner for life. |
| Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 | |
| 10:23 pm | Step one With each echoing footstep I knew that I shouldn’t be there. I looked up the spiraling staircase and the figure walking ahead of me. He’s not who I should be with, my mind told me this over and over. The higher we rose in the white metal stairwell the more my thoughts tore me away from my physical location. They split my being in two, my mind away from the man I was mere inches from. I watched my feet overtake each flight and silently turned the final corner to his room. As he opened the door and guided me inside, my conciseness dove back into me. I was once more whole and as the door shut I was finally truly trapped. |
| Friday, June 29th, 2007 | |
| 11:05 am | I think I'm pretty darn sexy sometimes, I think everyone is sexy sometimes. If everyone just told people how beatiful they were al the time, I think everyone would be in a better mood. I also have mad crazy skin hunger, that is all. |
| Wednesday, May 9th, 2007 | |
| 11:08 pm | I have so much to write about, but when it comes down to getting it on paper it’s like cement in my head. I do have feelings, emotions, thoughts…I just don’t know how to articulate them. I’m anxious a lot, nervous and jittery. I have a feeling in my chest like something bad is just waiting around the corner. I’m just waiting for things to fall part. I’m always just waiting for them to fall apart. I can’t just be content with things being, I seem to always need…something. I wish I could just sit the fuck down and be happy. I have everything I want right now and I know it…I’m just so scared that it’s going to end. I think the problem is that I’ve never really given myself up before, or let anyone in and now I have and I don’t know what to do. I guess that’s the reason people have trouble letting someone in, because once they are in, they’re in. Like, there is a string in my chest, attached to all of my internal organs and I handed it to someone and said “I trust you not to tear me apart” well… that’s a little dramatic but… kind of like that. I should just go back to making friends with the lamp. |
| Thursday, March 15th, 2007 | |
| 7:39 pm | My Ode to Diesel I’m going to start this with I’m sorry. I’m sorry I promised you something I could not fulfill, I’m sorry I am not your forever home. I never thought things would turn out this way, and it’s breaking my heart. When I first rounded the corner in that shelter and I saw you, I fell in love, and I think that’s where the trouble began. I wanted you so badly, I pushed so hard to get you, yet it was never meant to be. I searched for you, I drove out to see you without ever seeing a picture, and I took you home after nothing more then a single look, and I am the only one to blame. Your first day home when you sat on the kitchen floor and stared at me, just following me around as I made dinner, that is the hardest memory for me. When I looked down and your tiny body, with your out of proportion gargoyle feet, I felt the love I would so blindly feel for months to come. Blindly being the operative word here. You made me so happy, you made our little family complete. You where a little baby, a little brother and a huge, terrible mistake. I walked you after no one had ever walked you, I feed you after you had gone so long without food, I held you in my arms and feed you blueberries when the doctor told me you were going to die. I cried when you were sick, I was overcome with joy as you grew, you were my perfect wish come true. The dog I had always wanted, your little life saved, everything was going so well. I’m going to say sorry again, this time, I sorry that this has to end. I’m sorry I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to help. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to find a solution to the problem that is you. 4 steel cages, countless garbage bags, 2 cans of fish food, 1 drywall wall, 1 side of a couch, 1 coffee table, and yes, even Christmas. You’ve eaten everything Diesel, and I don’t know what else to do. Nothing can hold you, no drug can sedate you, and not even your best friend can help you now. I always thought if I got involved I would make things better, I always thought you’d be better off with me, but I was wrong. Coming home to your bleeding face, your shattered toenails, your bruised head. Your big, stupid, awful, adorable head. The head you lay on my lap when I’m sad, and the head that contains the large, wanting eyes that looked at me when I decided to say good bye. These eyes will haunt me for a long time, looking up at me as I made the appointment that would mean our life together is over. So I leave you know, with my undying love, my guilt that might never go away and my screaming plea that you’ll be okay, that no one please., please don’t hurt my Diesel. You deserve so much better then me, and can’t stand to think what the future holds for you, there are so many bad people out there and I am throwing you to the wolfs, out on your own to someone that might not understand you, and that might hurt you. I end with my very last sorry. I am so sorry Diesel, sorry for… everything. Current Mood: crushed |
| Thursday, October 19th, 2006 | |
| 2:11 pm | Crazy talk below I became a Mary Kay consultant today. I keep jumping back and forth between it being a really good idea to being a really stupid idea. I wanted to do it to start making more money; obviously, I mean I didn’t do it because I thought it was going to be fun. But, after some research I found that maybe it will be fun. Meeting new people, putting on make-up, maybe winning a car…I don’t know! When I talk to the people, like the directors and the other sales people it sounds awesome, making money, having fun, and not having to break your back to do it. On the other hand I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know how to sell make-up, to make appointments with people, to manage my own income. I Googled Mary Kay and tried to find complaints or old sellers bitching about stuff and I didn’t come up with too much. All I found were people saying they couldn’t cut it because they couldn’t sell well and there own personal failures, nothing about Mary Kay sucking you into impossible goals and cult-like meetings. Plus you win things for meeting goals and who doesn’t like winning stuff? There is a clock I have my eye on. I just want to have something to fall back on, something if I lose my job or when I become pregnant. I’ve always dreamed of being able to stay at home with my kids until they went to school, but in this day and age you can’t survive without two incomes. If I already had a clientele before I had kids I would be able to sustain an income while being at home. Is this going to be hard? Will it suck? Ahh! I don’t know! This Mary Kay woman seems like an awesome lady, powerful and beautiful with intelligence and wisdom. But all I can think of is old lady on Futurama that controls the world’s robot oil supplies. If you don’t get my reference then never-mind, but in a nutshell I’m just wondering if this lady is just a front or the real thing. How can one lady be so cool? She had a corporation built up from the ground single handily, she contributed to women’s charitable organization and she loved pink. I’m so confused right now. I’m having my first party (where I just watch my director does it) in November and if that doesn’t go well… I might back out. |
| Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 | |
| 1:47 pm | Swish Did anyone see the freaking Bears game last night? Man, was that out of control or what? I gave up at halftime, and just resigned myself to defeat. It’s a good thing I didn’t go to bed when we were down 0-20 at the half, or else I would have missed the most exhilarating touchdown ever. I almost had a heart attack, then the missed field goal by the other team, sweet damn that was sexy. 6-0 makes me happy all over, especially in my pants. That made my day, as it always does. Other then that, everything has been blah lately, I haven’t felt very good, the weather is bad and Steve’s car broke. Maybe next time I’ll have something better to report. |
| Thursday, October 12th, 2006 | |
| 12:32 pm | Ahh! I want to start this article off with “I almost died!” but I won’t because in retrospect I didn’t. I think the only time you can say you almost died is after you’ve come out of the hospital having been in there for multiple Komodo dragon bites. Now THAT’S almost dying. No, I just had a scare on the road. I was driving to work yesterday and it was raining slightly. Some stupid red car man pulled out of his driveway all the way across both lanes and right in front of me. I knew I don’t have enough time to stop but I tried anyway only to be greeting by the wonderful phenomenon known as hydroplaning. So I wasn’t slowing down and he was right in front of my, I couldn’t go right because that’s where he was so I went left, into oncoming traffic. I cut across the lane of traffic causing a silver SUV guy to brake and swerve into the other lane. I went off the road and down into a ditch. I come to a slipping stop in front of someone house and inches away from their tree. I just started to shake and cry and of course I immediately call Steve. I wake him up and just ramble about being I a ditch and cars and water and I might have mentioned beaver and ducks for some additional psycho babble. A man ran up to my car (silver SUV man) and he asked if I was okay and gave me the whole license plate number of the red car because he had so sweetly driven away after forcing me into a ditch. I put the phone down with Steve still on the line (at this point fully awake and fully confused) and thanked the guy and told him I was sorry for playing chicken with him. I told Steve I would call him back and called the cops who took the number and my name and said they’d “try to find him” I’m sure they put 100 hours of work into my case. So, I was down a steep ditch and in order to get out I had to drive up onto some poor person’s house and down their driveway. I’m okay, my body aches and my neck is tight but I’m alive. When I got to work my co-worker said “What did you do to your car!” and I’m thinking to my self, shit, I didn’t even think of damage to my car. I look at my front end and I have a whole grill full of grass. And not just grass, this is like 3 feet of dirt/grass combo. I could have pulled it would and sold it to a sod farmer. Not to mention my cracked fender and new mud colored paint job on one side. At the shelter yesterday I helped 1 dog and 2 cats find homes. I was working it like a used car salesman, “This model Weimaraner comes with built in sit/stay command and an optional sunroof.” The cats are harder. “This cat comes with… fur and… it clings to stuff with its nails... I don’t know.” They still wanted them though. I have no idea how people pick one cat out of the 300 we have at the shelter. Looking into cages stuffed full of black cats and finding the one in 12 that they want to see “No, no, not that one, the one next to it. That one! Yes, the one with the cute face.” I’m sorry; they all look and act the same. It’s a cat, dogs are so much cooler. Today, I go to the gym and try to do something, ANYTHING! I suck at being a gym rat. I’m just a simple gym mouse, one that likes to take little naps on the treadmills. |
| Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 | |
| 2:12 pm | We're even now This last weekend was wonderful. On Friday, Steve and I went to a comedy club with the other Steve and his girlfriend. It was pretty good, yummy drinks and funny comics; I’d go back to this place if anyone wants to go. Most of the comics were a little rude, which is funny most of the time but as few things struck a cord with me, which I bet was their intent so they win. We then went on a half drunk run to Pie World, where I ate pie at midnight, which is the best way to do it. Saturday Steve brought me to the zoo, where we saw the biggest gorilla ever, and the Sun Bear bent over to show off his big, droopy balls. Then we went to the Cheesecake Factory under the Hancock, it had a long wait but it was worth it, mostly because our waiter danced for us. Then we went up to visit some friends that have a condo in the Hancock and I passed out on the couch, we were supposed to go to Rush Street, but I guess I’m a loser. They have the highest pool in the whole world their, and you can swim while looking at a view of the city, so sexy. I kicked myself all night for not having a camera. I’ll go back soon and come back with pictures. Damn, I wish I had brought a freaking camera; I left it at my Mom’s house. Sunday we walked in the Juvenile Diabetes charity walk, it was nice except I was wearing the same shoes as the night before and they hurt like hell. After the walk we went to the fire house in Lemont and helped with the open house they had. I made balloons for little kiddies, who proceeded to let them go so they could get stuck in the rafters. During this we missed the Bear game, but it’s cool because they won! Hellz yeah! The rest of the night was spent cleaning our room (to anyone who has been in it, they know how bad it is) we went through our clothes to give to a charity. Steve’s work is having a charity Christmas dinner for abused mothers and daughters, and he is going to let them pick out an outfit and take it home. The banquet hall is going to be set up like a department store and all the families get to go through it and pick something out. Ooohhh and the glorious Monday off. I slept a beautiful sleep and went to Bed Bath and beyond to buy rugs. What a great day. I get off work in half an hour, things couldn’t be better. |
| Thursday, October 5th, 2006 | |
| 11:37 am | Sweet sauce The good thing is that the Bears won, or else this weekend would have really sucked. According to Steve my new birthday is going to be this Saturday. I’m pretty sure I know what we’re going to do, and if I’m right there will be pictures of it on Myspace. Sunday is a diabetes walk and the fire department open house. All of this happening at the same time as the Bears game. Now I know they are going to lose because I won’t be able to watch it. Damn. The open house is going to be fun; they always tear open a car and set stuff on fire, which is nice to see any day. I’m feeling a lot better about things now. Seana from down-unda really helped me, like always. The world is not ending, but it is changing. |
| Sunday, October 1st, 2006 | |
| 7:02 pm | My Karma ran over your Dogma I once heard that you could cry on your birthday if you want to, and I took full advantage of that. To start off, Vegas was awesome. I had such high expectations for it that it would have been nearly impossible to live up to them, but it did a damn good job. The flight was normal, the movie was X-men and that was exciting, except that my head phones didn’t work so Steve let me use his. What a sweet guy, he watched the whole thing with no sound. The first night was okay, since I wasn’t 21 yet there wasn’t much I could do so we walked around the strip and found half price tickets for THE AMAZING JOHNATHAN! I don’t care if you don’t know who he is, he’s amazing, as stated in his name. We got general admission tickets since we bought them the day of the show so we would have been sitting rather far back, but Jeff would have none of that, he decided to bribe the host so he would seat us closers. And seat us closer he did. We were so close in fact that Jonathan himself picked Jeff as his volunteer. A about half an hour later and numerous embarrassments later Jeff was back in his seat and I was still trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard. As we exited the show it was 11:40 p.m., 20 minutes till I was 21. Now, ever since I can remember I have always stayed up until midnight to celebrate my birthday, then one hour later I celebrated again since my exact time of birth was 1:00 a.m. My vision of what my Vegas birthday would be involved loud music and a bar with pink and blue lights, a hot bartender waiting to pour me my first drink and everyone around me counting down the second until YEAY! And we all drink and sing karaoke falling all over ourselves till the morning comes and we fall back into our hotel rooms laughing and drunk. Instead we called it an early night and my birthday came quietly exiting a cab in the parking lot of our hotel. It hit me hard that it was over and it was nothing special, it was just another midnight on just another day. No drinks, no gambling, I just excused myself and we went to bed. I fell asleep about 10 minutes before 1, my real, real birthday. The rest of the trip was good, we eat breakfast in Paris and we had lunch in New York. I saw boobies and feathers, Danny Gans and the fountains. All in all, good times in Vegas, just don’t wear high heels. Skip ahead to my party. My party was 50’s themed since Steve and I bought the TimeLife Malt Shop Classics box set and needed a reason to listen to the whole thing. I bought decorations of malt shop and rock and roll and I think it was a hit. We danced and got drunk and did the Thriller. Up until about 2 a.m. I’d say I was having fun. I’m like a Cinderella, after midnight just means shit to mean. Everything falls to hell, I think it should be outlawed. I’d rather not go into detail, but the night/morning practically blew me away with hurt. I cried so hard I didn’t know if anything would ever be the same. My head was pounding and I didn’t get a wink of sleep, I just wanted to be alone. I laid around until dinner and now I’m writing this, that sums up the day for me right there. I’m afraid I lost someone I thought was a friend, and I know people don’t think things will ever get better in the beginning, but I swear I don’t think things are gonna get better. I don’t see a way out of this. I finally have something I my life that mean something to me, I’m in a relationship thats working and I want it to be forever. I assumed that would mean something to the outside world, and it would mean even more to a friend. I’m not making any sense, I’m sorry but I’m so hurt right now I don’t ever know what to think. |
| Thursday, September 14th, 2006 | |
| 2:50 pm | My co-worker uttered the most infuriating sentence today. After she said it I immediately jumped from my seat and beat her mercilessly with a file folder. That never happened, but man did I sure want to do that more then what I did do, which was smile and nod with some sort of pleasant response. Now keep in mind that my co-working is my peer and not my superior in any way. She has been working here longer then I have so I guess she has seniority over me but mostly just because she is a senior, as in citizen. You see, there are these reports I print everyday and I use them to do gobbledegok and gibberish work and when I’m done with them I am supposed to hole punch them and put then in a binder. I wait until the end of the month and do it all at once, mostly because I think hole punching huge stacks of paper is fun. She on the other hand does it everyday, or she did before I took over her job. She saw I wasn’t doing it everyday and told me it would be more efficient if I did it everyday. No, no it won’t. Today she saw again that I wasn’t doing it and said to me “Maybe you didn’t understand what I said” Oh.My.God. If that doesn’t strike you as a punch worthy thing to say, then I might have to punch you. Who is she to say that? Man, I hate being spoken to like a child just because I’m not 90 like the other woman working at my job. Wljrfdvbwiubei. Plus there was a wolf spider in my car today. Did you know they jump? I sure didn’t... until today. |
| Wednesday, September 13th, 2006 | |
| 1:57 pm | HA! My dog’s getting his nuts chopped off! Hahahaha! Serves him right, being born male. Good times will be had by all. The count down is less then two weeks to my B-day. Spicey! |
| Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 | |
| 2:05 pm | FUTON! My puppy has more poo in him then any known animal in the world. The capacity of his bowels could spawn studies that could one day solve all storage problems across the world. The material his large intestine is made of could be used to haul food to starving children, and water enough to drench the desert. Other then that, he’s doing fine. He is now unable to escape the backyard through the gap in the fence. It’s pretty darn comical watching him get stuck by his stomach halfway through the hole. He’s probably thinking “Man, I could really stop eating the crap I find under the futon and trim down a bit.” A few more puppy push ups should do the trick. I hate the fact that both Seana and Angela are gone. I’m feeling a real lack of friends ending in “A” in my life. I’m sorry Mary, but “Y” is just not vowel enough for me. Dana, please don’t leave. Boo. |
| Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 | |
| 10:42 am | Hey everybody I have a doctor’s appointment today, oh fun! I hope she can tell me why I have heartburn all the time, cross your fingers for no ulcer. Tomorrow is Angela’s going away party, nnnnnnoooooooo! I’m gonna miss her tons. Two Sparkle Motion members out of the country… that’s way too many. In puppy news, Diesel is going well. He’s not exactly house broken yet but I think he’s starting to get the picture. Sabre is pushy and jealous when you give the puppy attention, and she contently licks his whole head, leaving him with a pleasant sticky feeling. Plus he looks like a stud with the salvia style he’s got going on. It’s less then one month until my birthday! I’m pretty darn excited about it, and not just because I want to drink whenever I want... no wait... that is why. I just want to sit with my friends at a bar and have a drink. Sexy. Man, do I have to pee… so far away. Did you hear that guy didn’t really kill JonBenet? What a crazy person, you have to be a special kind of lunatic to say you did something like that. Okay, I give up, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Peace. |
| Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006 | |
| 11:34 am | Yeay! Here are a couple things I loved about this weekend: ~Sparkle Motion ~Irish Fest ~Anne as a plate ~Seana as a plate ~Matching T-shirts ~Dancing fiddlers ~Car rides being a lot shorter then I remember ~Saying “Tartitartitartitar” after everything ~Meade ~Being a professional rainforest ~Inspiring mid-aged women ~Mr. Higgins being our Dad ~DANCING! Things I didn’t love: ~Angela’s butt |
| Monday, August 14th, 2006 | |
| 8:35 am | Jake Today, I am just sad. My best dog ever, Jake, is going to be put down today. I’m not ready for this, and I can’t imagine life without him. I know I’m not living with him anymore, but it was comforting to know he was being taken care of, and happy. He’s so fat and old, and that’s exactly what I love about him. My Mom says it’s time, and I guess she would be the one to know, since she sees him everyday. I just wish it didn’t have to be like this. Part of my wished that one day he would just fall asleep and not wake up, at least then it’s out of our hands. When I first saw him, he was tiny and slimy. Slowly he grew up to be wobbly and cute, with big feet and no coordination, bumping into walls and tripping on everything. At one point his ears were so big that he tripped on them when he ran, but soon enough his head became enormous so that took care of that. I was afraid of him when he was full grown, he was at least double my size and I couldn’t control him worth a damn. I use to bite his ears to make him stop eating pillows, but I guess he thought that was a game, because it always made him eat more pillows. I always wished that he would turn into a human, so we could talk; I wanted to know his thoughts, and to see if he really was a dumb as he acted. When I got older I wished he would turn into a boy, because then I could marry him. I figured, he was my best male friend, it only seems right. Then came the years that he was just there, he didn’t get walked as much, and it was few and far between that he got wrestled with. It’s those years that make me so sad. I could have waked him everyday for 13 years, but he got put on the backburner, like so many dogs do. I know he missed my Dad when he died, he was the only person who could smack his ass the way Jake liked it. I don’t think anyone ever replaced my Dad, and Jake lost a good friend. He was always very vocal, making the weirdest sounds, like nothing a dog should ever make. He would groan and moan, growl and whine. He would sit in front of you and tell you stories. He’d tell you all about his day and all of his hopes and dreams. His story started getting sadder and sadder as he got older. Soon his story was just the saddest thing you ever heard. Years and years went by and more dogs started to come and go; little pee pee Jack, Sabre and Sophie. He took every new dog into his home and tolerated them in his own way, getting grumpier and grumpier with every new addition. Then the old just got to be too much. The old made his back legs give out and it make tumors grow all over, sometime to gigantic boob like proportions. His hair got longer and matted, his face got white and his eyes went milky blue. His developed sores and aches and pains and his panting got out of control. And that’s where we are today, that’s what brings this whole story to an end. He’ll eat his last steak; he’ll get his butt slapped one last time. Maybe he’ll even trick Steve into carrying him up the stairs, even though he is quite capable of doing it on his own. No dog will ever take his place; he was pretty much the best dog ever. |
| Monday, August 7th, 2006 | |
| 12:15 pm | Gladiators! I get to pick up a new puppy on Thursday! It’s a Mastiff mix and it’s by far the cutest thing in the whole wide world. His name will be Diesel and he is exactly what I wanted. Sabre is slowing calming down, and I hope a friend is what she wants. They got along alright when we introduced them, and if they need separating we have cages for both of them. Angela, Pedro, Mary and Annie came over the other night and we watched March of the Penguins, and who should call when we were all together? Seana! Good timing on her part, we had just finished the movie and we were just browsing the special features on the menu… and bam! A call from down under! It was like she was just hanging out with us, there was talking and farting, good ol’ times. Irish fest is now 10 days away. It’s getting closer and I’m happy like a little school girl. I can just taste the Irish chocolate and the bread bowls. Speaking of chocolate I could go for some of that right now. Mmm… you know what are great? Malted milk balls. Gosh, now I really want some. The Xavier Rudd concert was really good, and the roaring in my ears has subsided; now I can hear just a well as I did before. Which is not good at all, I’m deaf. Deaf as a doornail. Tonight Steve and I are going to the shelter, you know, to walk dogs. I hope there is a bulldog today; I’ve always wanted to walk a bulldog. Speaking of shelters, I might submit a picture of Sabre and BB to a calendar the TLC shelter by my house is making. If a picture of a pitbull smelling a rat doesn’t get in, I don’t know what will. To bad there is a fee of $10, makes me not want to do it. Make me not want to do it cause I’m cheap. My garden is once again overrun by weeds, I failed and now that the summer is damn hot I give up. |
| Friday, July 28th, 2006 | |
| 2:38 pm | Yippie! Xaiver Rudd! Ahh! I’m so excited! The weekend is half and hour away and I can taste it… like its right in my NECK! I hope to nap before the show today, and maybe eat something yummy. Nothing to talk about really, I volunteer at the shelter now. I played with puppies and now I get to play with dogs whenever I want. I have a roaring in my ears and I don’t know why, like a plane is flying to low contently. I hope it doesn’t affect my dancing to didgeridoos, peace to all. |
| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 | |
| 8:27 am | Cute overload here I come! My moms new dog is doing better now, except for the fact that she likes to bite my dog like a rabid beast. Good thing my dog can’t feel pain, or the neck bites might have pinched a little. They seem to get along, and the biting looks like it is just play (even though Sabre never bit Sophie once) so I guess Sabre has her very first puppy friend. Orientation for the shelter is tomorrow, I’m pretty psyched about that. I’m hoping that by working at the shelter I will be better able to spot the dog of our dreams and bring him/her home to a happy family and love forever and ever with sunshine. My phone got shattered on Sunday. It was innocently sitting on the bleachers when a foul ball with amazing precision destroyed my little bitty phone. Good thing I wasn’t sitting where I was seconds before the hit, right on top of my phone. That could have been my head, and then what would you have done?? I blame Steve, even though it wasn’t his fault at all. Stupid Steve, breaking my phone. Steve and I took some pictures yesterday, and I put some of them on my MySpace, one is Sabre being fierce and the other one she is sniffing BB like and angel dog. But don’t be fooled, she ate the rat soon after the picture was taken… no, no she didn’t. Irish fest is drawing closer and closer everyday, I can feel it in my bones, I’m so excited. I wish I had like $500 to bring and blow on food and Irish related trinkets, but alas I do not, silly bills. I need to juggle my money between: ~Bills ~Our trip to Vegas ~Money to have a big party on my birthday ~Our trip to St. John’s ~Christmas Plus I have a doctor’s appointment coming up and let’s just hope nothing is wrong because that will throw everything off. P.S. If you or anyone you know have a Mastiff puppy you would like to give me, please call. |